I'm still here

This blog hasn't died, I have just been busy the last week or two with work.  I have changed to another department at the huge store I work in so there are lots of problems that need sorting out.  I also have stocktake coming up next month so need to make sure my department is super tidy and ready to be counted!  I get the feeling that it's not going to be a good result but I have to just do the best I can.

I have a few posts sitting in draft mode at the moment which I am slowly working on as they are pretty big topics to cover, the major ones being about detoxification.  I am planning to do a big detox in September when I have 2 weeks holiday booked.  It seems like the perfect time to do it as this is when the Christmas stock will be arriving at work and we will be ramping up to the silly season.

While at work on Sunday I realised something which made me feel really sad.

My period arrived on Saturday and was just some dark spotting, then yesterday it had progressed to light bleeding while at work.  I found myself wondering what I would do if I was in the situation again that I was suffering a miscarriage while at work.  Who would I call for help?  If I was locked in a cubicle in the public bathroom (customers constantly going in and out), would I tell one of them what was happening?  Or would I just ask someone to go ask for my supervisor, who knows my history of PCOS and miscarriages?

It made my heart sink to even need to think of something like that.  If I was a super fertile who popped one baby out after another, threatened miscarriage would most likely be the furthest thing from my mind.  It makes me wonder how comfortable and easy it must be to be that person.  If/when I ever do become pregnant again, I will not be able to avoid living in fear of losing my baby, I will most likely be on a constant state of alert for any signs that things are not right.  That is just horrible and sad to not be able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy.